Slow Birth Read online

  “Forget I mentioned him. I shouldn’t even let you entertain these thoughts,” Vale said with as much calm understanding in his voice that he could summon. “Because I’m not going to die.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Urho would never let me—”

  “Urho, Urho, Urho!” Jason slammed back the rest of his drink, dropped the glass onto the mantle by the fireplace, and stalked out of the room.

  Vale started to follow him, but Yule held out a hand. “Let me have a minute with him. I understand better than either of you what he’s feeling right now.”

  “I won’t change my mind,” Vale said firmly.

  Yule rolled his eyes. “Of course, you won’t.”

  “So, if you plan to plot with Jason on how to—”

  “Vale,” Yule said, putting his hands on his hips and heaving a sigh. “I’m not fool enough to think I can change your mind when I couldn’t change my own Érosgápe’s when it mattered most. Jason will come around. And as for me, I would love to be made a grandfather. I’ve wanted nothing more—you know that. But I also understand his fear of your loss. No pregnancy is safe for an omega, and we heard far too much about your own inability to bear children safely during contract negotiations for me to be entirely easy about it. But since you’re determined to see it through…I’ll stay positive. And pleased. You’ll make a good pater.”

  Then he turned on his heel and followed his son upstairs. Vale’s heart clenched thinking of his baby alpha up on the slanted roof outside his old bedroom window—because of course, that was where he’d gone—probably crying, hurting, and scared.

  Miner touched the sofa. “Sit closer to me.”

  Vale did.

  “You promise that Dr. Chase is optimistic?” Miner knew Urho well after his own reproductive emergency had led to Urho attending him.

  “He says it’s possible,” Vale said, rubbing a hand over his beard and wishing desperately that he, too, could have some brandy. But the handouts Urho had given him as they’d left the clinic said that drinking wasn’t good for the baby. So, he abstained.

  Miner’s hazel eyes shaded darker. “Poor Jason’s terrified. I hate to see him hurting.”

  “Me too.”

  “I know.” Miner sighed. “This is always frightening for them. Alphas, I mean. At least, I assume so, based on what my friends have told me of their pregnancies.” He chuckled bitterly. “I admit that I never had an easy pregnancy, and Yule was terrified throughout most of them, and, of course, only Jason survived.”

  “Yes.” Vale had always felt sadness for Miner on this front. Of course, he had. But now that he housed so much hope within, he felt for the man deeply, and he was surprised to feel the prick of tears in his eyes. He didn’t cry easily—Jason was much more prone to emotional tears, alpha status be damned—but the thought of losing their baby was too much. To think of suffering it again and again as Yule and Miner had done? It was far too much.

  Miner shook off the sadness and smiled again. “But yes, my friends tell me their alphas are usually scared, too. Especially at the end, when they are big with child, and so much can go wrong. Even those who aren’t Érosgápe can get wrapped up in fear.”

  Vale swallowed hard. Being big with child was something he hadn’t allowed himself to imagine ever being, not since the devastating heat when he was young, the one that had led to the illegal abortion that had left the scars. He’d never believed it possible for him.

  “But let’s not dwell on the negative,” Miner said, quickly. “We have to assume that all will be well with you. That the doctor even thinks that it’s possible is wolf-god’s blessing on your union with Jason.”

  “It’s a good word,” Vale agreed. “‘Possible.’ Full of the future. I wish Jason could embrace it.”

  “He will. Eventually. But know that he’s stubborn.”

  “Oh, I know.”

  “He’s not going to give up on changing your mind. Not for a few days yet. Maybe another week.” Miner narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, obviously casting back. “Once Yule tried for nearly a full month before giving in. Though, of course, nothing could budge me back then. That was many years before you came into our lives. Jason probably doesn’t remember it.” He sighed. “That was right before I started taking the abortifacients regularly. I ended up in the hospital. The baby, of course, didn’t live.”

  “I’m sorry for all you’ve been through.”

  Miner exchanged his toothpick for a new one. “I have Jason. He was worth everything.”

  Vale touched Miner’s knee. “I agree.”

  Miner laughed. “I know.” Then he sobered again. “I also know we should focus on the positive and not allow negative thoughts to cloud our minds. It’s the traditional omega way of dealing with pregnancy. But just for now, let’s be frank with each other: how good are the odds?”

  “I don’t know. But Urho would never have given me hope if he didn’t feel they were very good odds. He’d have told me I couldn’t sustain the pregnancy and insisted I…” Vale trailed off.

  “And would you have gone along with his suggestion?”

  Trying to think of what he would have done, Vale finally nodded. “I would have accepted his assessment.”

  “And terminated.”

  Superstitious anxiety settled on Vale, and he shrugged, refusing to entertain the thought. “It doesn’t matter now. I don’t have to. I get to try.”

  Miner nodded, understanding in his glimmering eyes. He took hold of Vale’s hand and squeezed. “This baby is wonderful news, Vale. Wonderful.”

  “It’s awful,” Jason said, miserably, staring up at the clouds drifting in front of the pale sun and across the flat, blue sky. “Awful.”

  The slanted roof beneath his old bedroom window had always been his safe place, and so he hadn’t been surprised when someone had followed him out onto the slates. The fact that it was his father instead of Vale had been a bit unexpected, though.

  Father tilted his head back and gazed up at the clouds, too. “I know.”

  “Vale won’t budge. I know he won’t. He’s made up his mind, and I already know what happens when he does that.”

  Father shrugged. “He’d made up his mind not to contract with you, but you convinced him anyway.”

  Jason sighed. “Did I? Or did he go into heat and by the time it was over, he just didn’t have it in him to reject me anymore?”

  Father chuckled. “I suppose we’ll never know. Omegas are hard to understand. That heat was well-timed for what you wanted. It made him realize that he couldn’t stand living without you.”

  Jason nodded, deciding not to bring up how vigorously his father had fought against Jason’s contract with Vale, wanting him to take a younger, more fertile surrogate, and live without his Érosgápe forever in favor of an heir.

  “It was significantly less well-timed for what he claimed to want at the time. But omegas want their alphas. Érosgápe are notoriously hard to keep apart.” Father sobered. “But one thing’s for sure… This last heat was not well-timed at all. Obviously.”

  “I was so scared,” Jason whispered. There weren’t many people in this world he was willing to admit that to. He was an alpha and had his pride. Everyone might know he was scared, but he hated saying it, which was idiotic because even stoic Urho had declared himself frightened.

  But here with his father, knowing that he understood this particular type of terror, he could let it out. “I’m really fucking scared, Father.”

  Yule put his arm around Jason’s shoulders and sat there in silence, letting him soak in his support.

  “What do I do?”

  “You have to love him. You must support him. He’s an omega, and he’ll need your care, your tenderness, and affection. He’ll need your confidence in him, too. You must come to see this as wonderful.”

  “Wonderful? It’s a mistake.”

  “Vale is making the right choice, son. He—”

  “How can you say that!” Jason knocke
d his father’s arm off his shoulder. “He’s putting his life at risk because he thinks I want this baby.”

  “And don’t you?”

  “Not more than I want Vale.”

  Yule clucked. “Vale is smart, Jason. Very smart. He isn’t going to make this choice lightly. He knows Dr. Chase well. If he heard him say things that warrant hope, then I believe he knows he has a very good chance. No omega is completely safe—”

  Jason groaned.

  “But if Dr. Chase gave Vale the go-ahead, then his chances must be as good as any.”

  “Urho never said that.”

  “Of course not. He’s a doctor. He can’t have you coming back around later if…if the worst happens.”

  Jason buried his face in his hand. His heart pounded. “I love him more than life. Need him more than water. More than air.”

  “I know. Believe me, I know.”

  “I’d be happily childless so long as I could have him with me for the rest of my days.”

  “He’s older than you son.”

  Jason shook his head, already knowing where that was going. “I don’t want to hear about that.”

  “You can’t deny it forever.”

  Jason shrugged. Just watch me.

  Father went on, “If this works out, not only will Vale have the joy of giving you a son, but when it is his time, he’ll know he’s left a piece of himself behind for you to live for.”

  “No.”

  “Hear me out—”

  “No!”

  Jason scrambled to his hands and knees and crawled back into his old room. It still held the bed and the desk where he’d done his schoolwork, but otherwise, the room was stripped bare of his old things. He’d taken it all to Vale’s when they contracted.

  “Do you remember when I bought you the microscope?” Yule asked, grunting as he followed Jason through the window and into the room. He steadied himself and regained his balance before taking Jason’s arm and steering him to the bed.

  Jason sat down reluctantly. “Yes.”

  “I told you that our world was to the universe like the cell to the world. I told you that our lives were like that, too. A drop in the continuum of life.”

  Jason shook his head. He had no idea where his father was going with this, but he didn’t want to hear it. Why didn’t anyone understand what he was feeling? Why did everyone want him to accept this choice?

  “In the end, none of us matter.”

  “Vale matters.”

  “To you.”

  Jason glared at his father. “To the world. He’s a poet. A teacher. A friend. My Érosgápe.”

  “Yes. At this moment in time, Vale matters to many people, but in fifteen years? Twenty?”

  Jason worked his mouth open and scraped out, “What are you trying to say to me? That it doesn’t matter if he lives or dies? This is morbid. I don’t like it.”

  “I’m saying it’s going to be all right.”

  Jason choked out a laugh. “Everything you just said was the least ‘all right’ thing I’ve ever heard.”

  Father smiled and stroked his hand through Jason’s hair. “Because you’re young yet. Wait until you’re old. Then you’ll see what I mean. Vale probably knows.”

  “Vale isn’t old.”

  Father leaned in to kiss Jason’s forehead. “Come on, son. Let’s return to our omegas. They’ll have talked in our absence. Who knows what plans they made to bring you around?”

  Jason followed his father downstairs, feeling like an infant. He didn’t get how everyone was so calm and so very stupid about this. Especially Vale. And Urho. And Pater. And Father.

  He set his jaw stubbornly and trailed his father into the conservatory again, to find Vale and Miner on the sofa together, quietly discussing baby names.

  Jason again thought he might hate Vale just a little beneath all of this smothering love. Then Vale looked up at him, his green eyes so soft with worry and a kind of hope. He clearly wanted Father to have gotten through to him in some way, and Jason’s entire body flooded with adoration. He couldn’t hate Vale no matter how much this choice terrified him.

  Jason took Vale’s chin, beard soft on his fingers, and lifted his face to plant a soft kiss on his lips. “Let’s get you home. It’s been a long day.”

  “Yes,” Vale agreed readily.

  They said their goodbyes, and as they left, Jason wrapped his arm around Vale’s waist protectively. Vale leaned into his side, and Jason kissed the top of his head. His omega.

  His.

  His.

  The visit to Urho’s clinic and then Jason’s parents’ house had exhausted Vale. He collapsed onto their bed still fully clothed, and his eyes fell shut almost immediately. Jason had disappeared to the kitchen insisting that Vale must be hungry, though he was more nauseous than anything else. The pamphlets Urho had given him said this was normal as his body adapted to the baby with hormone surges.

  Eventually, he heard Jason’s feet on the stairs, and he woke from his light doze. His stomach rolled over, anxiety adding to his sick feeling. He hoped that Jason hadn’t brought anything especially pungent for him to eat. He might not be able to keep it down.

  “Hungry?” Jason asked as he sat down on the bed, stroking Vale’s hair out of his face and smoothing his fingers down his dark beard. He didn’t have anything with him at all. “I made a lasagna. Want to come downstairs?”

  “Not really.” Vale smiled pitifully. Just the thought of all that cheesiness made him feel like hurling.

  “You have to eat and stay strong,” Jason murmured, kissing Vale’s temple.

  “Some crackers and soup?” Vale asked, feeling bad that Jason had spent time making something that he was certain wouldn’t sit well with him.

  Jason nodded and started to rise, but Vale pulled him back down.

  “Come here,” he said. “Lie down with me?”

  Jason complied, turning on his side to face Vale, who turned to face him, too. Their foreheads touched, and Vale closed his eyes, breathing in and out with the same rhythm as Jason.

  “You can fight this for a few more days,” Vale said quietly. “I’ll give you until the end of the week. But then you must be stronger. You’re the alpha, Jason. I’ll need you to embrace that role.”

  Jason didn’t move. They kept breathing together.

  Vale spoke again, “Omegas need an alpha for their pregnancy. They need to feel cared for, supported, and there’s the sexual component.”

  Jason swallowed audibly but remained silent.

  “For me, it won’t be just about the natural increase in the sex drive of a pregnant omega, or your need as an alpha to protect, pleasure, and prepare me for birth by regular intercourse. It’ll be about keeping the scars stretched and flexible. It will be life or death.”

  Jason whimpered softly.

  “So, there will still need to be a lot of fisting—a lot of fucking. And I’ll need you to be excited, optimistic, and enthusiastic. I can’t have negative thoughts in my head and get through this safely. You have to believe in me.”

  Jason clutched Vale closer, his fingers hurting where he gripped Vale’s hips.

  “So, one week. That’s all I’ll give you. Then you will turn this around. I’ll need you so much by then.”

  Jason huffed a shallow, shaky breath. Then kissed Vale’s forehead, rose, and left the room, presumably to prepare the crackers and soup. Vale stretched out on the bed and stared out the window, unsurprised when Zephyr hopped onto the mattress and curled up next to Vale’s still-flat belly, purring her happy little heart out.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Vale sat perched on the leather wingback chair, his stomach twisting anxiously as Xan followed Jason into the room. The sun shone through the wide back windows of his dusty, brick-floored study, but it was the fire in the hearth that illuminated their gathered friends’ tense faces.

  “Glad you could join us,” Vale said to Xan with a small, dry-lipped smile.

  Xan’s blue eyes were wide with wo
rry, and his gaze darted between Vale and Jason, and then over to their other assembled guests—Rosen, Yosef, and Urho. Oh, even distracted as he was, Vale didn’t miss that flicker of interest in Xan’s eyes as he took Urho in.

  “Sorry if I kept everyone waiting,” Xan said shakily. “But I came as soon as I got Jason’s call.”

  “And how’s Caleb?” Vale asked, not entirely surprised Xan’s omega hadn’t come along but wishing that he had all the same. He could use another omega’s hand to hold right about now.

  “Caleb’s good,” Xan said, his attention too obviously split between worry for Jason and his nervous interest in Urho. “Well, he wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to run to the drug store for a tonic for him, which made me late to work, and so it was harder to escape this afternoon.”

  “It’s all right,” Vale said. “Tell Caleb we hope he gets well soon. Rosen just arrived, too.”

  Jason stood behind Vale, his hands gripping the back of the wingback chair. His presence was so tense Vale could sense his anxiety without turning to look up at him.

  Vale’s best friends, Rosen and Yosef, sat closely together on the leather sofa, hands intertwined, and fairly miserable expressions on their faces. Yosef’s impeccably sculpted white hair and beard gave away that he was quite a few years older than Rosen, but they were still an unfailingly attractive couple. Vale had been through so much with them, weathered the worst storms of his life in their care, and hoped they would be able to support him through one more.

  Xan ran a sweaty palm over his limp hair. “So, what’s going on?” Xan asked, obviously unable to keep quiet a moment longer. “What the hell’s happening?”

  Urho stepped forward, hands clasped in front of him solemnly like one of the Holy Church of Wolf’s ministers. “I’ve been asked to impart the news. It’s both an honor and a burden, but one Jason and Vale have asked me to bear—”

  “Just tell us,” Xan interrupted. Vale understood, he was impatient to get the news out, too.

  Urho’s chin came up, and he gazed at Xan for a long, calm moment before nodding. “All right. As it turns out, Vale, against all odds and despite Jason’s best efforts, is pregnant.”